16 July 2010


here's the news of the day Fancy Acre style...leave it to a chicken in Portland to have gender issues! We sadly just had to post this ad due to Tammy (I mean Tommy's) new found male-ness...

01 July 2010

more dirt bed

I love these birds so damn much.

My Life's Work

In this video, first you will see the chickens building a dirt bed colony. They have like, ten different dirt villages but this one is the best. You will also see Tammy has found the other chickens which is no small feat for her.

But things really get exciting fast when I noticed a squirrel beating up a paint roller next to the fence. Don't ask why we have trash floating around the yard for wild life to play with- we just do. The squirrel started out laying on its back, hugging the paint roller to its chest and kicking it with its back legs, but it ended up rolling around all over the place and acting like a wild man. Then when it's all over I turned around and the chickens were right next to me, watching the action.

You're welcome, internet.

23 June 2010

Daily chores

Here's my day at the acre:
1. let chickens out of coop
2. coax tammy out of the coop with treats and some swear words
3. hand feed chickens raspberries
4. worry about the carrots
5. mound dirt over the potato patch
6. water the trying-to-be-vegetables
7. yell at birds in the cherry tree
8. eat all the snap peas
9. let the chickens back into the coop
10. shoo Jacky out of the beds
11. let the chickens out again
12.  think about weeding
13. feel bad about the gai lan
14. eat the rest of the ripe raspberries
15. let the chickens back into the coop (for the last time, damn it!)

16 June 2010

Unusual Livestock

Can you see my hens all in a row? Loretta is on the last rung down, almost invisible. And Tammy is on the cold hard ground because she is the outsider (sad face). They like to sit on that ladder and talk shop.
Also please admire Jacky's obscene attractiveness and Tammy's under-appreciated gorgeous feathers.

08 June 2010

Ladies Who Lunch

These bitches spent their morning protecting the yard from little sparrows who wanted to collect a bit of dog fur for their nests! Every time one of the tiny birds would land in the yard, Patsy Cline would dive bomb them. She knows we are tying to hold onto every bit of dog fur that we have around here. Thank god for these chickens.

PS Tammy was sitting on a post in the coop and didn't notice everyone else had gone out for breakfast, so she stayed in today.

06 June 2010

:56 Seconds of Pure Passion And For What???

This is my first chicken film, and has all those horrible hand-held sounds that I despise so much in home videos. But anyway, the real story here is what happened after this was filmed. I became so excited about this rare and beautiful footage that I gave not a thought to my worldly responsibilities and focused only on my art. I went back into the house and forgot all about the farm and all of it's little boarders. Kevin came home from work, and we went outside to admire our feathered daughters. We were gazing at Loretta when all of the sudden a tiny bird shot right out from under a fern behind her.
"A quail" Kevin observed.
He was correct. In the heat of cinematography, I had forgotten all about the quail and left the coop door open! En Vogue escaped! They were peeping around, sticking close by the chickens. They were pecking at the earth, seeing the blue sky for the first time in what felt like decades, and letting the breeze stir their feathers. They did not fly for the nearest eagle claw or into the highest branch as I would have imagined they would. Instead, they stuck around like diva's at a music video shoot. Kevin thought we could just heard them into the coop like we usually do with the chickens, but in my mind I was already on the phone with Topher, apologizing for essentially ushering his favorite band to their death beds. However, I stayed calm, followed Kevin's lead, and together we walked them right into the coop!
Clearly, they love it there. It is their home, they feel safe there, and they want to stay. But I wish we could let them out more often now that I have seen them in the wild. Never have they looked as noble and free, never before have their little plume's stood so tall. The risk is too great, even though I know the rewards are big.

PS. No, don't worry about it chickens, we didn't like that cardoon anyway.

04 June 2010

Love is on the Farm

I'm in love with Tammy but Tammy's in love with Jacky and Jacky's in love with chicken food. Lot's of cracked corn induced tummy aches for that dog lately. 
I think that Tammy is cuddly only because she can't see me coming, so I can catch her and force her into my loving arms. The other chickens run like hell when they see me approaching. Unless, of course, I am shaking a tin cup full of chicken treats. Then they gather around like the chickens do in Cinderella when she is not a princess yet and talks to mice all day (anyone? anyone?). All I want to do is rub under their chicken wings and dress them in pinafores! 
Please admire our coop art made by nationally acclaimed artist Lynne Robertson. We are one lucky acre. 

20 May 2010

Farmer Meeting (online)

Question: should I gently mix some of that fertilizer thats in the brown bag in the trailer into the soil around the snap peas? Isn't it nitrogen rich?

To catch you outsiders up, we have a nitrogen deficiency  at the F.A. that is causing our greens to yellow! Fear not, we will fix this.

16 May 2010

Faster Horses, Younger Women, Older Whisky, and More Money

Or, cuter dogs. Lets get this one for the acre. Guess what her name is folks? You guessed it- Fancy.


14 May 2010

Friday at the Acre

The farm is abustle with activity today. The chickens are out (natch) and Jacky is trying desperately to fit in with them.

The quail like to fly when the chickens are out of their way, and so they are hanging out on the coop support beams, just being classic en vogue. 

Tammy, though not in En Vogue is most certainly looking flashy today. Please observe her developing waddle.

Surprise! It's wild strawberries!

I can't wait for cherries. Can't. Wait.

The raspberries are really starting to look like they will be food soon.

And Hiro is newly on Prozac and has just discovered the only shade in the yard. Notice that he is not quite in it yet- but he will get there if he can only focus for long enough!!!

13 May 2010

Let's Grow These

Garden Update

Let's start with the good:

The peas are happening. There is a little yellowing at the bottom leaves, but otherwise they seem happy and healthy. 

The greens are mostly very happy. The spinach didn't really make it, but a few seeds seem to have taken. The starts are doing great and the sassy mix is really coming in strong!

The herb garden looks like hell. The only thing that really seems to be thriving is the chamomile, and even that is stunted. The quinoa is dying, the dill is dying, and I don't remember what else is in there- but it's dying

The radishes are almost over. Worms got into most of them, but we ate them anyway. The turnips seem a little sad... Their leaves are a little yellowed and it looks like something is eating them. I really want them to make it! The onions next to them seem ok.

This is supposedly the beet box, but almost none of them ever popped up. I see one or two sprouts, but it's looking really sad.
Scott, I don't remember what those chive looking things are but a few of them have died. The gai lan is ok although one was a little yellow and I trimmed back some leaves this morning in hopes saving it. 

So farmers, I think it's time to do some farming?!  I have been doing my best with watering, but I can't do it alone. How about a watering schedule? If everyone picks a day I will fill in the gaps. Then everyone can keep an eye on things and this whole fancy acre wont die all at once.  
I also think it's time to do some planting. Tomatoes and cukes right? Bush beans? Squash? Summer!

Chicken Update

The girls are on the loose today, eating worms and my flowers. I just want them to leave the blueberries alone. Take the rest girls! Just leave me some berries!

05 May 2010


These tots are actually the seed potatoes. I picked up two varieties: French Fingerling and Russian Banana. Once the fresh cuts scab-over and the 'eyes' start to sprout they'll be ready to plant.

Quail House

Topher builds a deluxe apartment for En Vogue. Sorry, no Chickens allowed in this clubhouse.


hola amigos its cinco de mayo!

the chickens (mexico) are still squabbling with the invasive quail (france) and lynne made us a nifty family crest to hang on the coop. We ate sandos with radishes and lettuces from the garden and started planning our first big feast at fancy acre.

maybe it will go something like this:

but probably it will go more like this:

thanks lynne!

04 May 2010

Beyonce Is Good at Home Arts

"Why Don't You Love Me" - Beyoncé from Beyoncé on Vimeo.

She could make us drinks for when we're working I mean when we're done working



03 May 2010

Movin' On Up

So here's a long over-due update (soon to be followed by photos) on the Fancy Acre Quail Family (or as we refer to them : En Vogue). For the last few months they have been living in what began as a the cutest little tidy tin house in our basement/garage. Oh it was a happy home with happy times - lit by a glowing balmy orange ball that never stopped showering warmth upon them, filled with wall to wall wood pellets, clean drinking water and more food then they could have ever dreamed of consuming - it was basically like Las Vegas - without the gambling (they were too young anyway). But anyway. Nic made them the cutest berry box houses that they slept in and they really seemed happy to be away from the farm store where the children were poking them and such. Soon (and quickly) the three members of En Vogue began to grow and make the cutest sounds ever - they had such respect for their elders and loved when we came around and whistled softly to them - they even whistled back! Despite their awkward adolescent insecurities, they soon began to wear their little quail hats and looked stunning in brown. That was until the day they figured out how to party...and when I say party - I mean PARTAY. ummm. what a mess! they were throwing poop on the walls and their berry boxes were upside down and their water was constantly filled with more - guess what - POOP and they looked like they had been doing lines of Angel Dust all night when we checked in on them in the morning. Insanity. Well this had to end. We turned the warm glowing ball off to prepare them for the harsh reality and they knew something was about to change. We were serious. They were grounded. In the mean time I spent last Saturday afternoon painstakingly building their new home out of freshly sawn cedar shake and 2x4's and installed it within the coop that their chicken siblings have been occupying for a few weeks now...Then, last night, in a covert night operation involving headlamps, hay and a station wagon, we escorted these teen party princesses to their new deluxxe apartment in the sky...where this morning, according to Jenny, they have been running around with the chickens gossiping about this-a-one and that-a-one and making fun of Tammy whose hair is really out of control in the morning.

01 May 2010

Farmers Markets Tide Us Over

We didn't grow any of this crap, but we could have. It wasn't even that good since it wasn't Fancy, but it was ok. 

29 April 2010

27 April 2010

Possible Interns

Should Nic feel like his chicken dance is threatened by this? 

Thanks 2Pz

Egg Salad

I just had an egg salad sandwich and I started to think about the scene from Napoleon Dynamite where he works on the egg farm and the lunch they are served is egg salad, hard boiled eggs, and egg-drink. I really lost my appetite but also realized that I could see the direction that Fancy Acre should go in. We should get interns.
Stupid STUPID youtube wont let me embed the video GOD DAMN YOU TUBE but here is the mother effing link: Napoleon Dynamite Chicken Farm Scene

25 April 2010

Chicken Fail

I gave the chickens a large slug today as a treat. The slug was a threat to our garden and a prize for the chickens. Or, it should have been. Instead, the chickens watched it slither away while they pecked at the dirt. I was like, girls, pull it together! And they were like, its not gonna happen. So I rolled the slug in their food. Now we had a cornmeal crusted delicacy. They couldn't afford to pass this up. But again, they did. The slug got away, and hopefully went home, kissed its wife and quit smoking! God!
If these chickens refuse to lay eggs until late summer then I expect them to help out around the house a little bit. Eating slugs would be helpful. They best be working on their appetites ASAP or I'm making a stew.

24 April 2010

Learning to love women.

Since this blog is a forum to express feelings of friendship, I want to thank Jenny Cook for curing my once-crippling misogyny. ummmm. I don't know how to add on to that. Love you dude. ette!

23 April 2010

Oh yes, I want to point out that tho we sacrificed building a shed for the sake of having fresh eggs all summer, we did build an attic. Olde timey ladder included. Voila! EVERYONE WINS.

somebody call cribs! these chickens are living it up at fancy acre.
As of last night, 75% of the gang were able to tuck themselves into bed like grown ass chickens. Thats good news cause having to scramble around in darkness to catch these squirrelly birds is hard, hard work. Miss Loretta, if tonight you once again sneak downstairs to 'oh just grab a snack' well, you best be prepared to find your way back up cause I'll be at the bar.

dreaming about chickens